When I was 20 years old, the most amazing thing happened to me. I was partying with a bunch of my best friends, but I felt so lonely I thought I could die. I was not enjoying the drug I had taken. I felt so overwhelmed with loneliness that I kept going from friend to friend asking for some kind of assurance, but it only got worse.
Finally, I went outside by myself, looked up at the night sky, and said, “I am so alone. I’m just so alone. When it comes down to it, there’s no one who really cares that much. I’m just so alone.” Then I heard such a clear voice, not audibly, but just as real, “You have gone so far away from me, you are so far away!” I knew it was God.
The next day after the drug wore off, I decided I was going to change. I even wrote myself a letter of instructions. Even though for the next few months I continued in the same self-destructive life style, something happened that night that changed my course. I began to have a longing for God.
As the days and weeks went by, having decided to change the way I lived, I realized for the first time I couldn’t do it. As much as I desired to be different, I continued doing things, which later, I wished I hadn’t.
My only Christian friend at that time urged me, “Kathy, just talk to the Lord.” So, the month after my 21st birthday, I decided I would try it. I told God, “I would like to follow you, but I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ve tried to change, but I cannot do it.” Looking back on that moment, it was as if God said, “Okay, finally. Now you are talking. What you are saying is true!”
I can’t explain what occurred that day, but God showed up. He had already given me a longing for Him, I told Him I was not able to follow Him and then the most amazing thing happened. I experienced the presence and power of God, and in a moment, He gave me the ability to say, “Yes, I will follow you, come what may.”
That day, Jesus changed my heart and caused me to have an overwhelming desire to please Him. As I went about my day, the sky was bluer than I’d remembered. I felt new, and nothing has been the same since.
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